Stray Thoughts

It's so strange how when the person you thought would make you happy forever stops making you happy, another person -- completely new and different -- makes you shimmer. Usually with a few words they didn't think about before they said. And I'm sorry if this sounds familliar (like you've read it before on some celebrity blog), or that it makes no sense, but as a wise woman once told me, everyone is entitled to their daily bitch-out. I'm long overdue. 
I had this conversation with my best guy friend the other day: 
"She told me I'm beginning to 'look my age.' Is that true?"
"The age is not catching up with you," I said, "You're still beautiful." I said this, of course, without thinking and without realizing what I was probably doing. 
It's so weird to think that you're getting married; I should have been expecting this though, since it's been three years in the making. I'm so selfishly stupid sometimes (stupidly selfish?). Either way, I keep telling myself I'mhappyforyou I'mhappyforyou I'mhappyforyou, but then I remember that I'm not. I should be, but I'm not. 
So forget the shoulds and the woulds and the coulds. I'm going to find my completely new and different person, because I deserve to be happy too.